It's over. It's done. 10 or so years of waiting when i can finally win in something--- and something i love dearly--- then you break something that could very well break your dreams.
It happened right in the middle of the night when i least expected it to happen. Quick realization: i NEVER EVER expected it to happen. Suddenly--- out of thin air, right off the magician's hat--- it just fucking happened.
i woke up last Sunday with a sprained ankle. And i don't freaking know how it happened. i have a few theories: a) playing with a mild sprain gameday-in-and-out, maybe it finally fell off--- it, meaning the tendons or whatever that supports the joint/s of this uncooperative right foot. b) that i somehow slipped somewhere on Saturday night and because i was so tired i completely neglected the pain before going to sleep or c) that karma is a bitch and it fucks you around at the worst possible time.
The first theory holds the more probable truth but the final one holds the other two theories. But whatever reason, it happened and here i am rolling a Gatorade (Ha! The irony!) with the sole of the injured foot.
Sprained ankles are more than normal. A sprained ankle 2 days before the first game of your office basketball league... Well, it's more than unfortunate--- it's the penultimate day before doomsday, it's one way street going to the end of the world.
What to do with it? The past couple of days, it's not just the ankle you are struggling with. Your confidence shattered because of the (paranoia) realization that you are never going to be a part of a winning team. A dream cursed by a series (or even just ONE) of events that will never let you realize that dream.
What i did with it? Let's talk about the ankle first, that's the easy part. Confidence and dreams to follow. Omega pain killer. Mefenamic Acid. Celebrex. Gatorade-rolls. Elevated the foot before going to sleep so the flow of blood should be going to the heart (Googled that one). More Omega pain killer More mefenamic. More celebrex. And lots and lots of Gatorade-rolls.
It feels better compared to last Sunday and early Monday--- but it's not full healed. The good news and the bad news. But times like this? i will take any news.
What about confidence and dreams? Hmmmm. i don't know. i really don't know. The only way of getting back that confidence is playing again. And if that costs playing through pain... So be it. Dreams? It's always there and you can do nothing about it but chase it and chase it and chase it... So, so be it.
Tomorrow night will be game two of the best-of-three series. And it could be our clincher (My team, White, won the first one via the slimmest of margins)... Meaning, i will effing play.
Send in the clowns, call in all the basketball gods. i have tapes, long long tapes. i will have Gatorade, lots and lots of it (not to roll but to gulp in the first quarter, even if i am on the bench, then another in the second then a couple of others for the final half) i might play for 20 minutes or 2 minutes i don't fucking care. And we will win the championship because that is what good players do. i did my part in this run and will continue to do so by playing whatever role i will have by gametime. We will win the title because i have even better teammates that will want to prove that this is the best team in our own little basketball world at the office.
Will it hurt the ankle? Sure it will.
Karma, Destiny or whatever you call yourself these days, you can break my ankle, you can shatter my confidence but you will never (NEVER) take this dream away from me.
(Watch out for my next post entitled Pain and Stupidity.)