Indecision, indecision

Starting today, i'll have to put all (well,most) life-altering predicaments posted on the right side of my blog (Lookie, there's a shameless poll just right of this post). Make your voice count, the key word here is "life-altering", you can help make a mark on this lifetime!


Blame it on indecision. With this rather irrational mind, i need every grain of sanity i can get.

Irresponsibility

One of my favorite non-Math subjects in college was Philosophy 2. The subject description was, i believe, the Philosophy of Man. i liked it so much that i flirted with the idea of actually shifting to A.B. Philosophy as i was enrolled then as a B.S. Computer Engineering student. i am not sure why i considered such an idea. Maybe because of my childhood dream (True story: Prep Yearbook says "i want to be a priest") and that this course can lead me to that empty attempt. (i fell out of God's favor by that time, i assume.)

Anyway, in one of these classes for Philo 2 (Burns* Hall, 1st floor) we had a short quiz then discussion (or the other way around) that circled around the word "responsibility." It was one of the rather most interesting part of my college life (maybe entire life...) as that same quiz and discussion led to the rather most memorable "quote-unquotes" in this lifetime.

Nothing to brag about but this is what i remembered in the single time that i decided to join the recitation part of the discussion (i believe the question was on the relationship of freedom and responsibility, and i answered something to this effect):

We can only be free if we find a way, intentionally or unintentionally (meaning if we find ourselves in that situation...) to be irresponsible... Because in irresponsibility we have the chance to admit our mistakes and faults and that is assuming responsibility. This is the first step to freedom, knowing that we should be responsible and deciding what to do with that knowledge.

i know, i know it's not exactly those words but i can quite remember what i meant and that's the nearest thing to what i said in front of the teacher and the entire class. i guess i can say i was proud of myself after that... exchange of ideas.

That was the "recitation" part, there was also another exchange this time between pen and paper when we had our prelims for the same subject. The point this time was about how we can find our "real wants" (This was the exact term used by our teacher, i believe) when we live in a "workaday world."--- a normal life that is indeed routine. My answer to this essay-type question (or again, something to this effect):

The workaday world boxes and limits each and one of us into finding our true selves. The real challenges are outside the four corners of this classroom. The real wants live outside the walls of this classroom. That's why i am passing this test paper right now and will try to find my real wants outside.

Again, it's not those exact words. But am sure that it was that short and that sweet. And oh, i did leave the room after answering that one question and submitted my unfinished paper (there were other questions).

i got a B+ for the test. And i dropped that subject. Irresponsible Bastard.

Unsportsman

i hate sports. It has a way of putting you in a pedestal near heaven then suddenly bringing you to the depths of hell. Sure, you knew it beforehand, you understood that the ball is round and that this is after all a game, and ANYBODY can win that game and there's a (very good) chance to you'd be at the losing end. Yet you watch. You cheer. You wake up at 3:30 am even if you have work the same day. Then you can't watch it anymore because your team is losing. At some point, you die as well. You feel their pain. These high-paid athletes who won't ever know that you existed, you actually care for them and their teams.

Sports, i hate it.

Tomorrow, Lakers take on the Spurs even as the Celtics took game one of their series against the Pistons earlier today.

2018

We will see.