Unholy Start

It's official. i have to control my temper. There are two ways to look at this one really. First, it's just change getting the better of me and that i am trying to be mature too much. Or second, that i haven't change a bit and still the whiny little inconsiderate bastard i was eight years ago. Both ways, i look bad and real bad.

It's my first day of this short Naga vacation and the first thing i did was answer back my dear Ma because i did not like what they b(r)ought for lunch! Because of the food in the table! Ha! Now, before you blast this rather immature act let me explain a bit. It's just nothing ever changes in this house. It's full of honest people really but forcibly (by themselves) to act a bit under the expectations--- that's really a disappointment when you consider the fact that this has been happening for years already... The least you can expect is best effort from both sides (i agree, i was an ass.)

That said, i hope the ice cream i b(r)ought a little over 30 minutes later after the incident hopefully cooled heads. In this place, we don't hate--- we just usually shout at each other with love.

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The story above brings me back to our basketball game last Monday (Second game of the office league)

i shot 1 of 12 (rough estimate, could be worse) from the field and probably 0 of 8 from beyond the arc (rough estimate, might be worse), had 3 assists a couple of steals but had most likely 5 turnovers. It WAS the WORST game of my basketball life--- including beer-induced ones. And i hate/d it.

The parallel is there really. i act too errr... immature... no EMOTIONAL is the exact word... most of these pressure times. i know i can perform better but this... change.. this impulsive way of feeling is getting the better of me every single time. Oh, i forgot to mention, we did lose that game by three points (50-47) and really, if just relaxed on one three point shot i felt it could have went in and maybe change my team's (White Castle) fate.. If i just forgot to feel and forgot that i was playing maybe one possession could have changed the result of it...

But heck. Enough of that right now because it's one of the most pressing weaknesses that should be arrested--- simplify everything, and let past be past.

We go back to the obvious parallel. Before the Naga trip (as before the game) i felt so good (as feeling good pre-game that we could win it) and plan just to relax. On the very first day, i endangered the vacation to being one forgettable stint despite the fact that i get to go home once every three months.

First possession of the game: i pull up for the three with zero team mates in position for a rebound. Turned on the emotional plug waaay tooo early and forgot to unplug it. The thing is, i threw up the shot with no confidence whatsoever.

Clank. It was the start of a real bad game that ended up with the big L.

The good news is it is still Maundy Thursday. Good, Black and Easter are waiting in the wings giving me a chance to become a better person. They don't call this Holy Week for nothing.

Goodbye Friendster, Hello Blogspot.

Blame the office ITs. Can't really do anything about it, because simply they are just doing their jobs. Roughly a week ago, a slew of IT people invaded the studio and promptly installed/uninstalled various softwares that resulted in various (unwarranted and unwanted) errors in our respective personal computers.

These powerful (and inconsiderate, but hey these robots are just being told of what they should do) administrators, in a word, blocked some of the sites which include your www.friendster.com--- sure, sure... There are proxy sites to use to bypass such admin settings but heck, not all the pages are being shown or maybe i am just too lazy to search for the better proxy sites...

Nonetheless, i made my decision. And that is continue "blogging" via blogspot.com (Free plug: cheezepaper.blogspot.com) Not that i assumed there are actually readers of this section. Again, i insist: Paranoia pays off. Heck, maybe i'd allow a comment or two over at blogpot.

See you around. Yes, especially YOU.

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Thought that should kick it off. Copy + Paste your own piece, that's not plagiarism. It's called laziness.

Guide to Succeed in Failing.

Lists are excuses for literary incompetence. It is an escape for not being coherent and decisive enough on which sentences belong to which lines of your paragraphs.
That said, i am greatly incompetent, incoherent and indecisive. My first list: It's a rehash of something i wrote way, way back. i can only hope i get the same type of frankness and honesty when i was still in college. A little bit of maturity might make it more effective too, or maybe not.

The Guide to Succeed in Failing

1. You are not special.
2. Everyone is guilty until proven innocent.
3. Leave the past, but live in the past.
4. Laziness does pay.Consider everything done even before doing it.
5. There is no way out of love but hate.
6. Creative chaos is the only orderly option.
7. Hasty impatience is not only a virtue it is the pace of life.
8. Families and friends fade, in the end, you are an island.
9. Apathy is best served cold.
10. ------------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, that got me drained. Items 1 through 5 was about the exact same thing i wrote back then.. the others were a bit far off (too mature for comfort... )Then again, maybe i've changed. The 10th one i completely forgot, you might want to add..

Your Endless Nights Greet Familiar Apathy, None Too Empty

[Fast fact:The pair of poems (ok, free verse!) was written about 3-4 months ago in another blog site. Just decided to repost it here to get things started for my Blogger blogsite.]

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Your Endless Nights Greet Familiar Apathy, None Too Empty IV

Meet and greet your destiny
Four horsemen tramples
Through your heart (my apocalypse)
Rewriting your own future
With me and me alone
This sign of desperation, my Love
Is your last chance to salvation
From me
Your Eyes, Naïve and Gray
Farther Away,
None Too Empty
Should end this now
Before completely falling
Before you completely go away
Open hands to an empty heaven
One chance, one moment
To hold the coldness of you
The emptiness in between
The blue bliss that can never be me

Your Endless Nights Greet Familiar Apathy, None Too Empty III

The Saturday that was
The bliss that could have been
Eight straight hours with you
Now just another empty dream
Another hopeless heaven
The week-long struggle to be (with) you
Ended in a bus-ride of bitter apathy
In impossible indifference
Your Eyes, Naïvely Grayish
Still stoic, still beautiful
Familiarly apathetic
The week that was
All I need, want was five minutes with you
Just to stare and not speak
To ask and not answer
Are you gone for good?
Unblued and blued as (fast as you can say) goodbye
Undeserved underappreciated