Unholy Start

It's official. i have to control my temper. There are two ways to look at this one really. First, it's just change getting the better of me and that i am trying to be mature too much. Or second, that i haven't change a bit and still the whiny little inconsiderate bastard i was eight years ago. Both ways, i look bad and real bad.

It's my first day of this short Naga vacation and the first thing i did was answer back my dear Ma because i did not like what they b(r)ought for lunch! Because of the food in the table! Ha! Now, before you blast this rather immature act let me explain a bit. It's just nothing ever changes in this house. It's full of honest people really but forcibly (by themselves) to act a bit under the expectations--- that's really a disappointment when you consider the fact that this has been happening for years already... The least you can expect is best effort from both sides (i agree, i was an ass.)

That said, i hope the ice cream i b(r)ought a little over 30 minutes later after the incident hopefully cooled heads. In this place, we don't hate--- we just usually shout at each other with love.

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The story above brings me back to our basketball game last Monday (Second game of the office league)

i shot 1 of 12 (rough estimate, could be worse) from the field and probably 0 of 8 from beyond the arc (rough estimate, might be worse), had 3 assists a couple of steals but had most likely 5 turnovers. It WAS the WORST game of my basketball life--- including beer-induced ones. And i hate/d it.

The parallel is there really. i act too errr... immature... no EMOTIONAL is the exact word... most of these pressure times. i know i can perform better but this... change.. this impulsive way of feeling is getting the better of me every single time. Oh, i forgot to mention, we did lose that game by three points (50-47) and really, if just relaxed on one three point shot i felt it could have went in and maybe change my team's (White Castle) fate.. If i just forgot to feel and forgot that i was playing maybe one possession could have changed the result of it...

But heck. Enough of that right now because it's one of the most pressing weaknesses that should be arrested--- simplify everything, and let past be past.

We go back to the obvious parallel. Before the Naga trip (as before the game) i felt so good (as feeling good pre-game that we could win it) and plan just to relax. On the very first day, i endangered the vacation to being one forgettable stint despite the fact that i get to go home once every three months.

First possession of the game: i pull up for the three with zero team mates in position for a rebound. Turned on the emotional plug waaay tooo early and forgot to unplug it. The thing is, i threw up the shot with no confidence whatsoever.

Clank. It was the start of a real bad game that ended up with the big L.

The good news is it is still Maundy Thursday. Good, Black and Easter are waiting in the wings giving me a chance to become a better person. They don't call this Holy Week for nothing.