Random Rants: Antok Ako

Kung walang magandang sasabihin, 'wag na lang magsalita. Kung walang magandang sasabihin, 'wag na lang kumibo. Sabi ko saYo di ako marunong magtagalog eh. Haha. Iniisip kung nagbabasa ka rin ng blog ko pareho ng pagbasa ko ng blog mo. Iniisip ko rin kung iniisip mo ko kagabi habang iniisip kita. Ewan ang sagot sa lahat. Sana di yun ang sagot mo sa akin sa huli.

Song Grab: Empty Apartment

ng It's always funny when a band or an artist writes a piece which you think you could have written yourself... And funnier when you really believe that that artist stole your idea and it just so happened that he wrote it first! Nonetheless, because now you (think) have the same idea, there's an immediate appreciation for the song and admiration for that artist. That said here's one piece that really touches your heart plus your ego at the same time. And oh, it sums up just about the past four months of this lifetime. Or maybe the next.

Empty Apartment
(Yellowcard)

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down
As I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes
You forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening
Now, can't you see something's missing
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay
Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life?
What's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?

Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

It's okay
It's okay

Random Rants: Give In, Give Up.

Defeat. It's not the right word but it's the first word that comes to mind. (Thanks, Chuck Pahlaniuk) Not exactly the right word indeed since there was no battle, no war and no competition. No contest--- just the apt words to describe the empty venture to ennui. The good news was you knew it from the start. The bad news is you knew it from the very start.

How do you break a fall? You can not. You just rise after the fall.

This Too Shall Pass: Relief Over Grief

A quick history first from Wikipedia: This too shall pass (Hebrew: גם זה יעבור‎, gam zeh ya'avor) is a saying commonly used to offer condolences or sympathy to someone in pain or suffering. The origins of this phrase have been attributed to many sources, including King Solomon, American president Abraham Lincoln, and the poet Lanta Wilson Smith.

i first encountered the phrase from a King Solomon parable that was used as an intro for a novel. However, i can not quite remember the book title... Anyway, here's the parable, again courtesy of the ever-reliable wiki-site. And oh, i've highlighted some of the parable's best lines and most worthy quotes. Read on...

One day Solomon decided to humble Benaiah Ben Yehoyada, his most trusted minister. He said to him, "Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it."

"If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty," replied Benaiah, "I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?"

"It has magic powers," answered the king. "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy."

Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility. Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of the poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day's wares on a shabby carpet.

"Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?" asked Benaiah.

He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile. That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity.

"Well, my friend," said Solomon, "have you found what I sent you after?" All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled.

To everyone's surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, "Here it is, your majesty!"

As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: _gimel, zayin, yud_, which began the words "_Gam zeh ya'avor_" -- "This too shall pass."

At that moment Solomon realized that all his wisdom and fabulous wealth and tremendous power were but fleeting things, for one day he would be nothing but dust.

i think it is a very simple yet very effective story which describes the very essence of life...King Solomon was just at the wrong end of the ring, if you know what i mean... Which brings me to last night's game vs. Red Horse. Suffice to say, it was a great night for my team, White Castle as we had defeated rather soundly the league's previously unbeaten team! The final score was an unexpected 22-point blowout! While they dropped to a 3-1 W-L card, we improved to an even 2-2. More importantly, we still have a chance for either the automatic semifinals spot or at least a quarterfinals date with a twice to beat advantage. And most importantly, it was a victory which upped the morale of the team--- something quite honestly we needed very much after the back to back losses last week.

And oh for the stat-freaks, i had (again, estimated) 2 points (on 1 of 5 shooting) courtesy of a twisting lay-up (tsamba, in other words) about 8 assists (which could have been 12 or 13 if not for easy non-conversions) and a couple of steals. The W tastes so much sweeter when you play as a team and last night's win was the sweetest this year.

So how does the "This too shall pass" phrase fall into the equation? Well, after a couple of losses i kind of lost track of that mantra; had completely forgotten it (Maybe not subconsciously) and played rather very tight and too worried. If i only told myself after the first loss that, "this too shall pass" maybe things could have been different--- maybe not the losing part but on how i would take the losing...

That brings me to my main problem. When i am depressed, i am too depressed. When i am happy, i am too happy. No middle ground, just extreme emotions that either kill me or save me. And for now, i am too happy about the recent victory, and you can't take that away from me. And definitely, i am not changing my extreme ways--- i will still be too happy or too sad.

i don't know. It is just better this way. Sure when the time comes when i am depressed again, i will be too down. But hey, this too shall pass, right?

Eked out a W!

It happened indeed! Final and official, i advanced to the next round. As i've described earlier it was a 6-6 score before today's final set of games... The winner of which advances to the semifinal round, and basically for my team just another lease on life and still a chance for that big 20 thousand bucks!

Basically, i won because of more minutes played (8 minutes to be exact and that is goddamn close in this business)... So there, ADD/DROP strategy works in the head to head leagues--- at least in this match-up anyway... Without a definitive line-up against the number one seed, it's time to dig even deeper, and ABUSE the add/drop strat!

So here i present to you the fantasy gods this week; call them scrubs, call them role players, but hey, THEY just gave me this victory this week:

Nick Young (against Jamario Moon in this picture) - Willed the Wizards to overtime (Then lost against the Lakers in the extra session) but gave me some precious, precious minutes.


Chris Quinn (hustling on the left of the photo) - Consistent minutes this week because of injuries to the Miami Heat team (including main man, Jason Williams, who by the way i dropped as early favorites... Now imagine if i played favorites...) Almost cost me the FG% cat via his stratrocious 3/13 shooting earlier today against Boston... And by the way, i noticed he's the only player in the league whose surname starts with the letter 'Q'. i have now anointed him my favorite scrub (role) player.

Statrocious Player Award for this week goes to Mehmet Okur (signing autographs in the photo. There you go Mehmet, i forgive you for this week because i won. Now, go play and stop flirting with those girls), who almost cost me this match-up by not playing the entire week. Blame his stomach virus. However, am not giving up on the Turkish guy, as i held on to him and most probably will be played (or so i hope) this week

Eking Out a W

Two important things happening today, first is the result of one head to head match-up in one of my fantasy leagues, the CSC LIVE LEAGUE (For more see previous blog entry from last week)... Going into the final day, my Airball team was tied (6-6) with the BadingerZ team. Now, Yahoo releases the OFFICIAL results at around 9 or 10 Philippine time but the post below (From the yahoo fantasy message boards) made my day:

The telling stats..

by: Noel Z (DrunkenMastershowman) Mar 31 3:01pm
James was correct in declaring that Ron would nail the rebounding stat. James won over Ron by a mere EIGHT MINUTES (1345-1337)! His team also managed to narrowly win the FG% war on the last day as Ron's squad shot .481, which could have still nailed that stat, but James' team shot a blistering .516.

Sir Noel Z is my (former) boss at Solar Sports as Executive Producer of the Sports Desk and is definitely reliable in things of this nature (Among other things). If you define passion for sports, definitely you'll have the word NOELZ (Or Bigote) somewhere in that definition. Now enough kissing Bigote's ass for now--- because we have set the credibility of Mr. Z now, haven't we?

While i would like to believe that little post, it's safe to say that it's never safe to assume anything with Yahoo... What if, somewhere along the way, they decided that they have mistakenly give a minute or two to a certain player of mine? i am Mr. Worst-Case Scenario, and i am not celebrating prematurely. Until i see that team Airball has reached the Semifinal Round, it's only then that i will rejoice.

Until then, the score is tied.

Oh, and the other thing to be excited about? It's the game tonight against Red Horse (3-0) which is still unbeaten in three outings in our office league. My White Castle (1-2) will try to stop a two game skid.

CWC Weekend Random Rants: ON BEING A PSEUDOPRODUCER
...The shoot (3rd CWC National Cable Wakeboarding Championships) over the weekend was good--- after all it was the first time i went to a coverage as a "producer." Mind you, i always go out for shoots but only as a writer. This time i had to do a little bit of stepping up because other producers were assigned to other shoots.. Anyway, i thought i did fine, except for the part where we had to do a panel interview with the foreign judges--- heck, i was prepared to interview them but NOT as a group. i hate people. And i really hate lots of people. i buckled on many of the questions but i thought i saved myself at the latter part.

That said, i give myself an above average performance of 5.5 out of 10. i know, i know that's sucking by my (and any) standard.

Losers on Losing.

Maybe it's the blog entries? Maybe it's the jinx? Ok, here is the deal. We lost earlier tonight (local time is 2:38 AM) and after so much hype and rather unnecessary rants... it just another big L. White Castle (the team name mind you) dropped their 2nd game in three outings but are still in contention for a semis or quarters spot.

It's not even depression that you are feeling really. Just pure emptiness. And all you needed was more time (playing time that is) and they did not give it to you. Fuck the powers that be that acted like they are Ferdinand Marcos in his grave--- it's not an excuse for a loss is a loss. However, the first two games we played like a team--- and we won as a team and we lost as a team. Tonight's game was just different. Not that i don't share the blame (0 points, 0 of 4 from the field, 4 assists, 3 turnovers and just out of rhythm) of course...

Different Day Different Shit. We will see what happens on Monday for the next game.

And oh, in between the next game and this one, this writer is going to Naga in Camarines Sur for the 3rd Philippine Wakeboard Nationals... This would be my first stint as acting producer (Hey, i should be just writing stuff but...) so we will see if the busy weekend can get my mind off basketball and other things in life...

Same Shit Different Day

SSDD. Credit Stephen King (Dreamcatcher) for the title. You should read that book, a good one. Now on to today's story... Posted below are some of my blog entries from August of last year. Outside the random rants and the melodramatic impulses are issues regarding a certain basketball game and tournament. And what do you know, roughly seven months later here i am again feeling that same thing before yet another big game tonight against a the same former team.

Same shit different day indeed. Praytell, it's going to offer DIFFERENT results. We'll have to see about that one. i learned my lesson; i FEEL too much during these titantic games, i look for a different approach tonight. Don't think. Don't feel. Just fucking play the game.

Random Rants: Titantic Game Ahead.

In between trying to start a Pat Riley article for Finish Line and trying not to think about tonight's big game, i open my phone music player, browse through some new forums just discovered, and blog away. No, i am not panicking at all, i am just overly excited about this particular game.

You see we have this league in our dear office called SABL. Nothing too flashy and complicated just six teams from among the many departments fighting it out for the office bragging rights and we are currently in the elimination (classification) round. And why tonight is a TITANTIC night? This is the first time my team (Yellow) will be meeting the Black team, which was my former squad last conference!

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For those who understand sports, this is like Steve Nash playing against the Dallas Mavericks and exploding! Ok am not sure about the exploding part but the emotion is way up there... Jason Williams against the Sacramento Kings then blah blah blah...

For the non-sports fans they would probably never understand how important this is. This is like meeting up with your ex-gf in a mall... and both of you have your new partners... The twist: she's with your old friend who bullied you around in high school. And your companion? A Maria Ozawa lookalike, hopefully with less pornish tendecies and a more wholesome charm. Of course, if we lose the game...

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Then, it rains. Postponing the game and dousing off the excitement. Gahd, this is my life.

Random Rants: Stuck in Solitude

It was a small white room with no windows but just one plain white door to nowhere. Just so you know, the door is locked too. Why should there be a lock when it is to oblivon you are off to? Might as well ask the question of the purpose of life then. It's not much in being alone or lonely. It is the fact that she could be trapped in her own white room too. The pain is greater when you don't feel it...

Your only visitor is your own paranoia. Morning, noon and evening he comes around. Not to bug you just to bug you but to really talk to you--- talk to you like your long lost best friend. Paranoia, you got to love this guy, always smiling, always that semblance of a happy face, always on top of things even if he is not. He might not know every politcally correct fact in your your life, he might not even understand or even care for you... But he's always around when you need him, and most times even if you don't need him!

Then he leaves at around five past midnight (the exact time) just before the first taste of sleep... You suddenly wake up again, heart racing like it's near the finish line and you just can't find the way back to r.e.m. state.

With paranoia gone and the heart back at work, you know sleep has left the room.

+++

My last blog entry (Titantic Game Ahead) talked about this big game against my former team... For the heck of it, i'll predict my own stats for tomorrow's game: 8 points, 5 assists, 2 steals and the fucking W, baby! We will get the fucking W! Will repost whatever stats i earn tomorrow, i have the feeling i'll look stupid by Wednesday. Oh well.

Random Rants: Emotions Overload

Looking back: For the heck of it, i'll predict my own stats for tomorrow's game: 8 points, 5 assists, 2 steals and the fucking W, baby! We will get the fucking W! Will repost whatever stats i earn tomorrow, i have the feeling i'll look stupid by Wednesday. Oh well.

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Stat vs Black Team last night: 11 points (on fucking 5 of 15 FG shooting i think, 1-5 from beyond the arc, 2-2 from the line) Maybe 8 assists but just about as many turnovers. And the most important stat of all, it was a fucking double overtime loss! Double overtime! One chance, two chances! Even life doesn't give you that much chance!

i also muffed a potential game-winner at the end of the regulation, then attempted a rather premature pull-up three at the start of the 2nd OT which i believe turned the game around for the Black team...

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Of course, in the end basketball is a team game... thus, this is by all means a team loss but you can not blame me for blaming much of this on myself. It's called passion. i don't care if this is just office mates running around... This is basketball. From 12 am (about the time the game ended) til this afternoon every thing is a replay of the replay of the replay...

All my turnovers and missed shots are playing (in loop!) inside my head not to mention the two most crucial plays i blundered at crunch time. Replay and replay. It's not even a bad dream because i couldn't sleep because of it. Replay and replay in slow motion. For this Wednesday? i was a walking media player with one song in playlist.

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There is no justification for the loss, you just have to accept the fact that they were the better team last night. Outplayed, outhustled... but i trust in my teammates that we did not lose our heart. If any, we just discovered that night who we are as a team. Yada yada, this is looking like a half time huddle... And it should work. Book it. We aren't about done yet.

Fantastic Finish?

NBA fantasy games took over my life roughly about five or six years ago. Particularly the Yahoo Fantasy leagues since their program is very user-friendly, and well because of the fact that it IS the best and yet the most simple net-based statistics game!

This is becoming an NBA general manager with just a few clicks (Of course, a little basketball IQ would help as well) This is being a pseudo-NBA vice-president for basketball operations for an entire 82-game grind with a chance to prove that you can be better than Isiah Thomas (as a manager of a franchise) the former Piston great!

For five (or six) years you turned into a numbers maniac and a sucker for statistics--- add the fact that you became a parasite for everything and all NBA... If this was my girlfriend, we'd be married with children (eight, 5 boys and three girls)... Heck, we won't even believe in marriage, but we'd have kids anyway (eight still)...

And so, without further ado, here's an update of this year's Airball's performance in various fantasy leagues. Airball (which by the way is the team name) shooting for the stars (and cash) this season...

The first league (CSC Live 2008) is composed of friends and acquaintances (more than half of them i don't personally know.)

With a P20,000 cash-prize (less balato, ) for the 1st place (and only) winner, it is obviously the biggest of the bunch. (Entry fee by the way was a thousand bucks)

Yahoo Head To Head leagues requires the final 3-week+ to be the playoffs phase of the fantasy season. The good news is that i was able to crack a berth in this playoffs but ended up just 4th overall which means that i'd have to beat THREE teams in three straight weeks if i am to earn an extra 20 thousand pesos over the summer.

That said, the good news outweighs the bad news anyway you look at it. At least, Airball is still in contention and that means i can still drool over that cash prize...

Airball - CSC stars: Double double machines Carlos Boozer and Dwight Howard plus this year's surprise, Mike Dunleavy

Next up is the Solar Entertainment Forums league. Team managers are posters from the official Solar Entertainment (Solar Sports, BTV, JACK, ETC fans) Forums (www.solarent.ipbfree.com) and i'd like to believe that they are the most competitive relative to ALL the past and present leagues i joined. You CAN NOT have bad stretch really over the season because it will haunt you later on in the season. THAT IS what exactly happened to me this year in this league. i ended up 8th and was very close to notching the final spot but was short ONE game in the final tally (the 6th seed had a 0.560 record vs my 0.557 record) That, is the definition of a painful exit (Now, we can start comparing that to girlfriends as well but that deserves its own blog entry...)

Suffice to say, i thought this particular cutthroat competition helped me a lot in lots of ways. Don't relax and make the most out of every matchup. Grab points early and grab points NOW. When you start thinking about the future, the present is compromised. And that is ALWAYS bad in fantasy (Now, we can start comparing that to reality but that definitely deserves its own blog entry)

No rings for this one, but i definitely enjoyed it as i look forward to winning the consolation round (8th to 12th teams battle as well.. for a consolation championship) and to think, there was zero pesos involved in this one...

Airball - Solar Forums Stars (ok, maybe not): Jason Williams, who i picked in the Draft because he is JWILL and Udonis Haslem, who was injured during the final week and practically cost me a category or two.

We go to the third league (Finish Line) which consists of friends and officemates from our production team here in Mt. Anti. This is the "cheapest" league with just 300 pesos entry fee... 1st place gets half the total pot (P2,700); 2nd-1,350 and the pair of losing semifinalists getting P675 each... Now, that ain't big money my all means, but if you are playing against people who you see everyday, it's more than the money: It's pride.

By virtue of the anti-jinx rule, i will not mention that i am currently numero uno in this league which means i have a bye-week (automatic semis) and will continue the battle for the championship next on Monday. Again, by virtue of the anti-jinx rule, i can not mention that i am now assured at least the 600+ prize because of i ended up among the top two in the elimination round.

Solar - Finish Line star: Kevin Garnett sucked the entire year but recovers just in time to lead Airball to the promised land.

Finally, we visit the Solar Bragging Rights League. While the previous one is against officemates, this one is against officemates, bosses and people-you-don't-know-but-is-actually-a-boss... Clearly, before the start of the season, there was extra effort to perform better on this one... Sure, the entry fee was a record P1,200 and the prize is enticing as well (1st place - 8,400, 2nd- 5K+, 2rd-3k+) but you can't replace the fact that you actually one-upped your bosses (or some of them) at least in the fantasy ring. There's money, there's pride and there's bragging rights.

By the way, i am currently running 2nd in this league. The first place team is ahead by 18 points or so--- big by roto standards at this point of the season--- so by all means i have have accepted the reality that this could just be a battle for silver... Then again, even that silver is not an assurance as two other teams (maybe three) are right at the trail of Team Airball being just a point or two away... This will go down the wire, definitely.

Airball - Solar Bragging Rights Stars: Bryant and Davis: dynamic


Am i good or am i really good? So, is Airball in for a fantastic fantasy finish? or in for another disappointing ending? Fantasy or reality, you know it feels good to be ending up as a winner. We will see.
(*Photos from YAHOO.COM)

Stargrazing

(Ha! It IS funny how anagrams can forecast the future; or rather predict a predicament. Playing with words can definitely play with your paranoia. That or one (intentionally) ignores all the signs and walk on right through ahead a road that is paved with good intentions yet promises bad results.

A real good friend always reminds me to NEVER sell my self short--- pardon the pun--- but he has to be way down here to understand this struggle with confidence. Be the first to smell when the shit hits the fan; then be the last to know that every one has run and gone… Don’t get me wrong, this is not fake moderation but it’s more of a confession of mediocrity… Which really isn’t the story here… The real story is the entirety of you and the unabashed beauty that is you. Of course, of course a day (a week or a month…) does not define a person… Which only means a little more time with each other is needed for the questions that bother me…

Then again, this is not the “next” lifetime.

So here’s a mad try to win the heart of a certain HER. The title (I AM A VINTAGE STAR! RELEASE!) is an anagram of her name--- so apt about my chances and so apt about what she would probably feel when all of this is over! Hers is a face that could launch a thousand ships and all that cliché but here’s a poem that could launch my way to her heart (ok that is called a pipe dream) and all that cheesiness that follows… As I told myself since the first time I felt this way, here goes nothing… Originally written on: 12/24/2007 2:39:36 AM- 12/24/2007 3:21:34 AM

STARGRAZING
(I AM A VINTAGE STAR! RELEASE!)

what lies beneath the truth
which truth bequeaths the lies
for every grain of you
makes me high, dry then fly

but every time you rise
i look at myself fall
each moment that passes
a mirage of your soul

wish and dream,
then crash and scream!
pray then hope,
go astray, cope!

do not fall for a star,
because stars do not fall
this lifetime or the next
still an impenetrable wall!

The Sum of All Fears and Some

Am so proud of this innovation, i need to rewrite about this one. Over two weeks ago, i invented errr.. discovered what could be the latest craze for the average reader!

i call(ed) it the TOTAL READING EXPERIENCE*! It's cheap (actually, almost free) and it's totally exhilarating!

Step One: Find a real good novel that is made into a movie! (As you can see for my first example i did it with a Clancy and he never disappoints.)

Step Two: Download the original soundtrack (OST) for the said movie.

Step Three: Read on while playing the OST!!!

You will agree with me that the experience is simply, total!

*patent pending

Book Grab! Dreams, stars, etc

Starting today, there's going to be a "book grab" episode in this blog--- that's copy+paste of the more interesting parts of books that i have read!

Terry Pratchett (Wee Free Men) takes the honor of being the first author to be commended for interesting bits that is so so true in the real world! Enjoy, because i did.




Miss Tick sniffed. "You could say this advice is priceless," she said. "Are you listening?"
"Yes," said Tiffany.
"Good. Now...if you trust in yourself..."
"Yes?"
"...and believe in your dreams..."
"Yes?"
"...and follow your star..." Miss Tick went on.
"Yes?"
"...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Good-bye."

Go now, you are forgiven.

Dear You.

First things first. i goddamn miss you. It's not so much of the longingness to be with you... The simple kind of desire and appreciation for the memories that kept you alive--- and one way and/or the other that kept killing me as well. Holding on to those memories was a cross between bliss and hell--- and it's not for the lack of choices that those memories stayed. It just did. When i fell, i fell hard. And when i feel, i feel hard. Hey, when they said one should give it all... i did. Too gullible for comfort? Oh fuck, i believe/d in nothingness! i sure can trust love when i see it. Even if it's love that offers nothing back.

And so, here we are in between years of affection and affliction, inside a world of empty understanding and contented confusion, and around emotions of love and hate. Looking back, it's not so much of emptiness now that you are really gone. It's past being itself, and the future being slave of the past. All things considered, i realize now that i have my present and all i have to do is hold on to it like holding on to dear life itself--- i know, i know i am not really good with the holding on part but hey, you know i always try.

Thank you for keeping my sanity and keeping up with it--- and thank you for keeping me insane for a few good years--- when i lost you i did lose my mind--- but for whatever that changed in me, i will appreciate that forever.

Thank you for being there and for not being there. The former speaks for itself--- i can never really be myself with others as when i was with you. You allowed me to be myself, looked right through me, stared right through the tears (fake or otherwise) and stayed for a while. i realize now, it's not important what i think people think about me, it's about not thinking at all and being me. For not being there when the waves came crashing in, thank you. No sarcasm here, just plain gratitude for teaching me about life and people, and more of myself. We all strive for perfection, and i immediately dubbed you as one--- that's bad formula for humans and even worse for relationships. Expectations always fall short, and life is as well--- but i will never blame you for that. Still, thank you. It's doesn't mean much these days, but i mean it.

Goodbyes are overrated and i feel empty but free. Go now, you are forgiven. And do not forget finding happiness.