Indecision, indecision

Starting today, i'll have to put all (well,most) life-altering predicaments posted on the right side of my blog (Lookie, there's a shameless poll just right of this post). Make your voice count, the key word here is "life-altering", you can help make a mark on this lifetime!


Blame it on indecision. With this rather irrational mind, i need every grain of sanity i can get.

Irresponsibility

One of my favorite non-Math subjects in college was Philosophy 2. The subject description was, i believe, the Philosophy of Man. i liked it so much that i flirted with the idea of actually shifting to A.B. Philosophy as i was enrolled then as a B.S. Computer Engineering student. i am not sure why i considered such an idea. Maybe because of my childhood dream (True story: Prep Yearbook says "i want to be a priest") and that this course can lead me to that empty attempt. (i fell out of God's favor by that time, i assume.)

Anyway, in one of these classes for Philo 2 (Burns* Hall, 1st floor) we had a short quiz then discussion (or the other way around) that circled around the word "responsibility." It was one of the rather most interesting part of my college life (maybe entire life...) as that same quiz and discussion led to the rather most memorable "quote-unquotes" in this lifetime.

Nothing to brag about but this is what i remembered in the single time that i decided to join the recitation part of the discussion (i believe the question was on the relationship of freedom and responsibility, and i answered something to this effect):

We can only be free if we find a way, intentionally or unintentionally (meaning if we find ourselves in that situation...) to be irresponsible... Because in irresponsibility we have the chance to admit our mistakes and faults and that is assuming responsibility. This is the first step to freedom, knowing that we should be responsible and deciding what to do with that knowledge.

i know, i know it's not exactly those words but i can quite remember what i meant and that's the nearest thing to what i said in front of the teacher and the entire class. i guess i can say i was proud of myself after that... exchange of ideas.

That was the "recitation" part, there was also another exchange this time between pen and paper when we had our prelims for the same subject. The point this time was about how we can find our "real wants" (This was the exact term used by our teacher, i believe) when we live in a "workaday world."--- a normal life that is indeed routine. My answer to this essay-type question (or again, something to this effect):

The workaday world boxes and limits each and one of us into finding our true selves. The real challenges are outside the four corners of this classroom. The real wants live outside the walls of this classroom. That's why i am passing this test paper right now and will try to find my real wants outside.

Again, it's not those exact words. But am sure that it was that short and that sweet. And oh, i did leave the room after answering that one question and submitted my unfinished paper (there were other questions).

i got a B+ for the test. And i dropped that subject. Irresponsible Bastard.

Unsportsman

i hate sports. It has a way of putting you in a pedestal near heaven then suddenly bringing you to the depths of hell. Sure, you knew it beforehand, you understood that the ball is round and that this is after all a game, and ANYBODY can win that game and there's a (very good) chance to you'd be at the losing end. Yet you watch. You cheer. You wake up at 3:30 am even if you have work the same day. Then you can't watch it anymore because your team is losing. At some point, you die as well. You feel their pain. These high-paid athletes who won't ever know that you existed, you actually care for them and their teams.

Sports, i hate it.

Tomorrow, Lakers take on the Spurs even as the Celtics took game one of their series against the Pistons earlier today.

2018

We will see.

The Cagbalete Experience: How to getaway from the great getaway

After meeting Noel and Jester at Petron, EDSA-Boni (2:30 a.m., decided not to sleep and just play pool with Christian a couple of hours before that.) we went... South... In between unforced winks and forcing to gobble a Siopao (asado flavor, no dinner yet) from 7-11, Ron called and asked me which car Jester was using... i said white. White something.
(Picture above: That's isle on the right off the big one, click to zoom)

First stopover, somewhere near Parañaque or Alabang i think (zero sense of direction) to meet up with Ron and his family and other friends. Time for a yosi-break. Went out of the car, and realized it was green. A couple of minutes later, Ron jokes about my colorblind-ness. All he got was a sheepish grin.

From there, it's a three-car convoy to Quezon. Four hours later or so, we arrived at the little town called Mauban and ate breakfast in a little resto called Lech-Gao. Lechon on Lugao sounds tasty but i settled for a Chami, a close cousin of your usual pansit.














(Picture above. Noel and Ron's back)
One hour later we were at a port called Pantalan, 45 minutes away from Cagbalete Island. News reports and text messages said that a storm was expected up north. The waves confirmed it as the people upfront were wet even before reaching the island. i was dripping as well.

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A low tide welcomed us. Nobody quite whined especially the wet ones. Noel grabbed the cottage nearest the water. Nobody quite whined as well.

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The afternoon turned to evening faster than i thought. The quick siesta rushed into dinner. The day flashed before my eyes... Blame Noel's early invitation (threat, actually) for a bottle of Vodka. Add the fact that Jester brought his own alcohol with the same name... And i hate Vodka for the longest time. Ever since i puked at Bonks' carpet at their place in San Felipe, Naga. So, in short i went away before i could even smell it... Noel must be fuming mad inside because i left him high and dry. Not literally of course. But i did not want to take that risk. Make that a pukeful of risk. Noel understands. And oh, i did take a shot or two or three when i woke up later that evening, but the inuman was already over and what i drank was the leftover. No worries. i can handle that one.

Thus, Day One was about sleep and the first escape.


























Day Two. Saturday. In between text messages to Ron (officemate) and Don (former housemate) about the NBA Playoffs results were... More sleep and Gaiman... Oh, i did wake up early. And actually got a taste of the Cagbalete beach--- thanks to the high tide, you do not have to walk too far--- and swam before anyone awoke. i mean, i keep a six-pack and stuff, i don't want anyone staring at all.














(Picture above: Noel, Jester and Ron explore the island)
Utah lost and Cleveland won. Half a good news to start the morning which featured a walk along the shores. i thought it was half the island. Noel agrees. i loved the walk. Noel (always on these matters where he gets tired for NO reason) disagrees.

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Ron, or Noel, should have warned me that the food for the outing was served five times a day. 3 for the major meals and a couple for the snacks. So much for the pretend six-pack, it was never there anyway.














(Picture above: Abusing the Macro-setting of the digital camera; Cagbalete beach at low tide)
By Saturday evening, everyone (Ok not every one, just the poker addicts) was excited for the 3rd (?) Cagbalete Poker Championship. There were only five of us, so i thought this would be my best chance to steal this "championship." Not until i discovered that Richard, Ron's friend and one of the players for the night was a professional poker player. Not to mention Ron is another pro anyway (But we already knew that) and Noel virtually folds every hand. And Jester, who talks his way to every hand (He does back it up on most hands).

But i was "a man on a mission" (Jester) and will "play inspired" (Noel)--- i was in a very different mood by the first hand. Having had received a bunch of text messages that really saved my day (no, make that weekend). Plus, i was also gahdamn lucky that evening.

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i beat Jester, who was the first to get booted out, with a pair of 9. Then i risked a 3-3 against Ron... i remember the flop included a pair of K's and i was saved by the river (3) as i hit a full house... Ron bowed out because of pure luck. (Confession: i have been wanting to beat Ron at poker ever since they introduced me to the game, he is the best poker player i know. And hey this is the (former) boss that saved this life. i respect the man. So this particular feat is one for the books.)

The next two players? i had my confidence all build up. All i had to do was wait for the blinds to get bigger and attack... That i did. The Pro Poker Player that is Richard was probably cruising and wanting to get out of the mini-tournament to spend time with his family. Heck, what's a 100 peso buy-in for a pro like him? In less than 20 minutes, he was out too. And finally. Noel. The player who folds every hand. And who settles for 2nd place. And that's just the way he likes it.

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While the pot was small, the title comes with a sense of satisfaction. Much like my fantasy win earlier this year. This is a once a year feat. Who cares really that half of the invited guests and previous Cagbalete guests did not come. i won it this year. And i'd like to defend it next summer.

And oh, i can put a smile on Noel's face too: Going (almost) all-in on a 3-3 draw? And against Ron, my own personal hero? Run and gun, Phoenix style works! Even in poker.

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Final note for Day Two: Earlier in evening, Noel teased me for not speaking at all for the past 36 hours (oh really.) and goaded Ms. Eula (One of the guests, Chip's girlfriend--- Chip is Ron's friend. She talks in straight in English too.) to talk to me because errrm, well i don't speak at all.

So, over dinner with everybody else within earshot Eula suddenly blurts out a hi.

Me: Hello.
Eula: Enjoying the dinner?
Me: Yeah.
Eula (who i believe was trying to really open up this conversation): So, what do you like?
Me: Hmmmm. Errr. Well, i like NOT talking?

That, my friends, put a sudden stop on the conversation. And i was kidding. Really i was. Thank god, Eula took the joke well but did not ask any more questions.

Thus, Day Two was about that smart-ass escape. And the steal at Poker. Such a nice day all things considered.

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Day Three. Sunday. Everyone was a bit tired now and we were scheduled to leave right after breakfast. We ended up leaving at around noon. Eula talked to me over one of the benches and she understood my silence. . Another converted one, you could say. And oh, Chip talked to me on the boat too.

Damn it, i had a 3 paragraph rule for this 2 and a half day outing. i exceeded it and spoke 2 or three sentences more.

The Cagbalete Experience (Intro): How to getaway from the great getaway

Diego Corrales must be trembling in his grave. In what was supposed to be a nice, clean, friendly and social weekend, the exact opposite happened. Some time between Day One and Day Three, Ron and Noel took care of being not nice and dirty and i took care of being unfriendly and anti-social. The latter is rather easy to understand but we'll have to extrapolate on that one however uninteresting in the later part (or later entries) of this blog but first we go back to the two gentlemen and one dead man, Chico.
Meet Diego "Chico" Corrales, former world lightweight champion and meet Ron (controls the buttons) and Noel (controls Ron, well tries to give advice anyway) --- all of them involved for the weekend's Fight Night competition via Jester's PSP! The main card was Manny Pacquiao vs. Corrales with the Pacman climbing up one division to challenge Corrales at the lightweight division (Yes, a la next month's Pac-Diaz fight). However, Ron and Noel suddenly realized that "Chico" was not easy pickings especially as Pacquiao is listed as featherweight in this game console... Despite Packy's power, Chico was just too strong and too tough as Ron and Noel heard and felt every stiff right hook to Pacquiao's head not to mention cracking left uppercuts in the Filipino hero's ribs. (Picture: Corrales vs. Pacquiao in action in EA SPORTS FIGHT NIGHT)

The result: a bloodied Manny Pacquiao in between rounds and a disappointing (Well, Ron and Noel were not just disappointed, they were angry.) loss against a dead man. (Note: Corrales died last year in a motorcycle accident)... That was the beginning of the end for Corrales. For if you know Ron and Noel... you don't want them to get angry; for one way AND the other, they WILL get back at you.

Using Fight Night Total Control Skills and some dirty and unfair tactics, the pair pitted Corrales against a slew of opponents the rest of the way: a (b)low-blowing, head-butting Pacquiao (dirty); Muhammad Ali and Roberto Duran among other heavyweight contenders (unfair); plus a combination of both with Ali in kickboxing mode--- elbows and knees to Chico's private and not-so-private parts. (Picture: Ron, in white and Noel, in blue)

The result: a totally tormented and battered Chico. (Ron wasn't contented though as just earlier today he sent me a text message saying, "he dusted off his PS2 so he could beat on Chico some more...")

Forgive me, that's a rather very strange and far-off introduction for the The Great Getaway to Cagbalete Island (Formerly "escape", as the alliteration escaped me in an earlier entry). But maybe in a remote and weird kind of way that describes my personal getaway from this getaway. To join the escape to escape some more. Or, the out and out of the outing.

Playstation at the beach, how apathetic and anti-social can that be? No offense to Ron and Noel, because after all it's not just PSP that they attended to: they also talked, conversed and socialized with the other guests, so it's not them i meant to describe.

Me? i really enjoyed the six or eight short stories in Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors; and oh i also quite enjoyed speaking 5 paragraphs (Totaled, outside conversations with Ron, Noel and Jester) in the three-day weekend excursion.

Gahd, i had the most endearing personality in the entire island. And maybe if i can do this some more, master the anti-social skills and muster some more apathy, i will be the most interesting, most exciting, well loved person in the entire world.

The Great Escape: Off to Ron's Isle

All set for weekend's grand outing. (Which is three years in the making as former Solar boss Ron Regis invited me since Year One.)

The things that i might need or not but will bring anyway;
1 bag -
5 t-shirts
4 shorts.
4 undies.
A couple of Bioflu for the headaches.
A couple of Mefenamic acid for the toothache.
1 book, Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors--- i don't know really if i'll have time to read but...
Cellphone, freshly uploaded with Maya songs (the new album, might as well listen to it again and see if my opinion changes) + Ben Folds Five music.
Some cash --- Noel Old Man says to prepare for the poker games; i agree, obviously.
Newly-bought shades at a cheap 250 pesos - Hmmm. If a tidal wave hits, at least i look a little bit better?
Borrowed digital camera for obvious purposes (Among them probably, for this blog...)

And the memory of you sitting in front of your PC at Floor Number Ten.

i think i am going to enjoy this getaway after all. Praytell, the escape would be doubly better if i am with you.

Pressing the right buttons

This is not at all funny. Suddenly all the buttons necessary for formatting are gone from the "create message/edit posts" page in this site. i tried to look for solutions across the net and in the help pages here but i can't seem to solve the problem. So from hereon out i have to study the HTML codes so i can learn how to post pictures and various formatting needs (quote, link, etc.)

Paranoia says its the admin again blocking features of certain sites... If that is the real issue... Damn it, they just pressed the right buttons and destroyed whatever momentum i had in this writing thing. Adjust and adjust--- that's the only logical thing to do.

Avoiding Confrontations

... Instead of another day (or 1-minute) of: Hello,gpgmvdmvmdvml;amvl;admvalvalfnvlnvlndaklvnavnl
aknvlnvlnvlnadlkvnalvnalnvlandvlanlvnaldvnladnvlandvlandvlnadvlnadl
vnadlvnaldvnaldvna, i chose to be far far away from you. Far far far away as Floor Number Ten can allow...

That is avoiding confrontation, my friends. And it sucks.

Hornets' and Magic's Growing Pains

The New Orleans Hornets need to grow up while the Orlando Magic are in dire need to search for an identity. Both teams need a crucial victory today to stay in the best-of-seven series against their respective opponents.

Hornets are actually in a better situation as losing today would only mean that they will give the series lead to the San Antonio Spurs at 2-3 before visiting Texas for what could be the clinching Game Six for the Spurs on Saturday--- Of course, that's a virtual L already, especially against these defending champions. The Magic are in dire straits. They trail the Pistons by 1-3 in their own conference semifinals and need a victory today, on the road, to stay in the game. As of this writing they can't seem to find the magic at Detroit as they trail the Pistons by 5 in the middle of the 3rd quarter.

Both teams are led by their young stars, Chris Paul for New Orleans and Dwight Howard for Orlando. But only one is mature enough to handle the pressure of a must-win and the challenge of these poised former champions. And it' not superman. It's the little guy who is playing superb the entire year. Nobody, and i mean nobody wants a Spurs and Pistons best of seven NBA Finals. Do your part. Look at the schedule. Cheer for the Spurs' and Pistons' opponents from hereon out. Starting today, cheer for the Hornets and Magic. We need a buzz. We need a miracle.

Bypassing Fate

i have a confession to make: i don't believe in fate. It's not an attempt to be normal or special. It's not an attempt to be the same as others or be different from most. It's just a conscious effort let life be and be like life: a series of random events boxed by people and defined by what you do with such events and such people. i do despise movies and books about fate; about how a single incident is just a part of a bigger picture; that everything is predestined and how destiny controls everything. Despicable as they are, i do watch and read them because once i believed in their magic. The accidents that you wish could happen to you. The preconceived notion of the unknown being expected... After all, after everything is said and done it all boils down to what happened and what did not happen--- either way, you live. And you are back to the randomness of fate.

i have a confession to make; i don't believe in anything anymore. What i know is that they just happen. Fate, random. Random fate. (Ill?)-fated random. Fate. Random. Fate. Random. Random. Random. Fate. Fate. Random.

Game-prod gig, rekindling Heroes-addiction

Fresh meat. That was what in their minds most probably. They. The veterans of the OB van. OB meaning outside broadcasting---basically the mobile studio of a production suit. So there i was at the parking area of Starmall Alabang where the OB van set up. i was beside the graphics guy (Edwin) and just at the back of the technical crew (basically, these are the veterans) including the director (Freddie P.) inside the OB van doing my job as the game producer.

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While i spent some time as a game prod during our Sports Desk days this one was entirely a different monster. The event was the 1st Manny Villar Cup Billiards Cup (Yes, the writer in me says that the name is too long; why not just Manny Villar Cup? Or how about the Manny Villards Cup? Nyak. Nyak.) and obviously it involves the game of billiards or pool. Among the competitors were high-profile pool players like Efren "Bata" Reyes, Ronnie Alcano, Lee Van Corteza and the eventual champion Warren Kiamco among others....

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It was not an easy task, and as i've said i was fresh meat. i did know that i was assigned to when the graphics (Running scores, balls left, etc...) would come out. i did not know that even the slow-motion replay was to be decided by myself. Moreover, i did not have the slightest idea about the latter and that i could actually "order" some of the "veteran" about the slomo-replays and when they should come out.

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Despite the obvious struggle i thought that last Saturday's coverage was a good start for me. Not sure if i'll be assigned again as the game producer in future events but probability says that this is just the beginning of a new phase for me as a member of the production team. i remember three months into this Solar-Antipolo stint i told my new friends officemates/Anti-friends that all i want was, "just to play basketball and to..." (In a semi-drunken state most probably.)...

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But fate has intervened. Now i just don't write and just don't "play" one sport--- i now also do jobs meant for the "producers" and not just anymore about the my first love, basketball. Fret not, i am not whining. Time to explore other things in this job. Researcher/Writer/Segment Producer/Game Producer. The slash just keeps adding up but all i can say is... BRING IT ON.

Jack of all Trades, King of None. The story of my life.

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Also over the weekend, half of Barranca went to Power Books looking for some covers of interest. Engineer Don Gallardo was looking for a CISCO book which he will use for his "review" so he can pass a "license test" in his line of work. i don't know how many licenses these engineers need... Considering they had a big one already right after graduation right? But it could only mean an additional 10,000 pesos in his salary if and when he passes so i guess Don needs to take that test... Certified Public Accountant Che Sereno meanwhile was just looking for random titles. Maybe because she doesn't need another 10,000-peso increase because she just had one as of late. While myself was specifically looking for any Terry Pratchett book because i want a quick follow up for the Good Omens and see if Pratchett is consistently good or if it's just that single title that he was good at.

We were disappointed to find out that the books we were looking for were not available (So much for Power Books i said, Book Sale actually had a Pratchett!)... But not to say we were completely disappointed...Because as we attempted to exit the store, Don/Che saw a HEROES GRAPHIC NOVEL (Season One) and that literally ended our cravings for a new title to read... No arguments, no questions, not even a little consideration of the price of the hard-bound book... We immediately bought it. After all, this is HEROES we are talking about... i'd like to write more about Peter and Nathan and Hiro and Claire and the rest of the Heroes characters (book and series) but i'd like to be a hero today and do my job as a segment producer (ehem.) and talk about stopping an exploding man next time.

i am JPQZ a.k.a. neuroticism

i can not quite remember when this personal craze began... All i remember was that i was visiting this site: just click more often than normal middle of last year. Not that i only discovered this play with words and letters lately because i did, in one form or another, rearrange letters/words/phrases to make new thoughts/words/sentences in the past--- probably as early as high school. But of course, i did not look much into it other the pun being fun.

So anyway, here i am a bit older, a bit wiser and now a bit more interested in this anagramming thing. So much so that i spent (wasted) a lot of office hours anagramming anything and everything that crosses my eyes. So so much so that me and a friend even had an anagramming contest (See earlier entry this week)... By the first month of this anagramming hobby, i came upon another site, the anagrammy.com forums. This was a good and bad thing. The latter because i realized how amateurish my efforts were compared to these word-geniuses. Suddenly, what i did was really just for the fun and heck of it even as the real "anagrammers" showed me what real anagramming is all about. But still, it's an addictive thing and it's all good that i realize that i am real bad at this (Compared to 'em pro's...) In the spirit of fun, and in the spirit of anagramming i continue doing it for leisure and at times incorporating it in my writing. Doble entendres and subliminal messages, and this writer feels right at home, thanks to such thing called anagramming.

Without further ado here are some of random anagrams from past word files. Credit to Enteng and Che for helping me out on some.

The places:
Boni Barranaca ~ Barbarian con!
Mandaluyong ~ A man, ungodly! ~ A god, unmanly!
Philippines ~ i ship nipple.

The vices:
San Mig Strong Ice = stones grimacing
San Mig Light ~ might lasing
Red Horse Beer = err... sobered, eh?
Cigarettes and alcohol = Collect a soaring death!

Others:
Jesus Christ = Just's riches
Sports Desk = Dork's pests
My Chemical Romance ~ m' comical archenemy
Snow Patrol ~ O! Worst Plan!
Princess of Disguise = Professing Suicides

And my favorite, the names (of friends):
Fielnino Casano = a facile son = an online fiasco = O! Life is a cannon
David Emmanuel Alano = A lead animal unmoved!
Reynaldo Canlas = Don's arcane ally ~ 's clean and ro
Christian Castillo ~ is local antichrist!
Che Sereno = Scene Hero
James Patrick Quizon = Major Pain, Quick Zest! = Quick Pain, Major Zest! = JPQZ a.k.a. neuroticism

On a final note... i wanted to anagram a certain name of a certain person. But i was warned earlier by a certain old man that mentioning her (or at least referring...) in this spot of a blog (at times, after we chat for five minutes i "report" it on my blog though i never named names and i won't do that ever my dear... and that, probably, just probably i can't tell you upfront some of the things so i just write it here...) could probably hurt my chances of those five-minute chats ever happening again.

And so, i won't anagram your name. i'll just keep it to myself just to keep those five-minute chats. Heck, i'd even delete this entire thing if that means dinner with you. i won't do that, no dear ally, i won't.